Live Deliberately

Living each day with deep intention.

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In my previous blog Just Say No, I briefly discuss the need for saying “no” to people and events when you are near burn-out. Practicing this habit is crucial for your sanity, but also controversial. In a world where everyone thinks that the universe literally revolves around them, it’s increasingly difficult for people to understand that you just cannot, physically and emotionally, commit yourself to everyone and everything, all the time. What’s worse, the majority has learned to manipulate and guilt you into believing that you should feel badly about putting yourself and your needs above others and their needs. Only you know what’s best for yourself. Follow your gut… if you are about to lose your proverbial shit, just say no… or better yet, set a foundation that prevents any unreasonable expectations of you.

Start by identify tolerations. What are you putting up with? Is there someone or something you are dealing with, tip-toeing around, or try to appease? Stop. Relieve yourself from the burden of having to please everyone, all of the time. You get to decide what you are willing to tolerate. Make good choices from the beginning.

Once you have done that, set standards for who or what you allow mild tolerations. Be courageous in your pursuit to set a standard for yourself, your life, and how you are treated by yourself and others. And yes, I said yourselfDon’t forget to set standards for how you treat yourself. Don’t beat yourself up or have unkind thoughts or feelings. 

Be brave and allow yourself to be real with others. Speak your truth and set boundaries. Never make excuses for why you cannot accommodate someone or be somewhere. Be open and communicate your needs. You are equally important. Set boundaries to protect the foundation you are about to set for yourself and your life. If it doesn’t feel right, if it’s not in line with what you believe, or if you are simply too exhausted to commit, just say no. Remember, this is your life. No one else can live it for you. Choose to live it how you wish – and don’t feel guilty for setting boundaries!

When you’ve reached the point of saying no to someone or an event due to exhaustion or burn out, it’s clearly time to address personal needs. What actions can you take to recharge? More sleep? Quiet time? Time with someone who lifts you up? Time for play? A vacation? Do it. All of it. If your personal needs are not met, the toxicity will leech into every aspect of your life, both personally and professionally.

And finally, once you’ve had time to care for self, take action toward personal growth. What did you learn? What worked for you? Did you catch the burnout before it became toxic in other areas of your life? If not, how can you recognize it sooner?

You are important. It’s not selfish to make time for self-care.

Lots of love.

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