Live Deliberately

Living each day with deep intention.


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Be still with this…

“The scars are there because the wounds have healed.” – John O’Leary
The end of 2016 was difficult for me. While many exciting things happened, many heartbreakingly sad things bubbled up. I’ve been forced to revisit past memories, some self-inflicted and others not. Memories that I care not to remember and serve no purpose, yet somehow I feel more whole and complete recalling them, sitting with them, and making my peace with them. Those who know me understand that the many paths to where I find myself today have been very bumpy and yet, I find myself in a stronger place in life with myself, my peers, and in my circumstances. I feel fortunate for my friendships and my successes and failures, all of which have molded the person that I am. And so, while I am still recalling painful memories from my past – a past that I am choosing to forgive and growing from – I am thankful for the quote that I heard today, because it reminds me that what doesn’t break us, makes us stronger. 
I had to share the quote with you because it might resonate with you as it did for me.  

“The scars are there because the wounds have healed.” – John O’Leary


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Just say no. 

With so many demands and expectations placed on us, it’s necessary to carve out time for self and solitude. There is always something that needs to be done, people who demand your attention, and responsibilities you can’t avoid. It’s so important to do take time for self in order to recharge your batteries and avoid burnout. 

I have a mounting “to do” list of chores and people that demand my time but as a working single mom and a boyfriend who lives 30 minutes away, my time is almost entirely accounted for Sunday afternoon through Friday night. Sometimes we have to make tough decisions that require us to say no to people or events when we know it will induce burnout. And yes, people will get their feelings hurt or you might miss something but every day brings a different set of priorities, of which no one else will understand until they walk a day or week in your shoes. You should and must take time to care for self, do only what makes you happy, and recharge. 

Inevitably… You will feel guilty, but don’t beat yourself up too much. You can’t be your best self when your best self is tired and run ragged. 

When you are reaching your breaking point, just say no. 


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We are in this together…

The theme of the week, at least as I saw it, is that we are all connected… we are in this fight – called life – together. Ultimately, we all want and are seeking the same thing in life: JOY. You can define it however you’d like but you might recognize it as overwhelming sense of contentment, feeling complete, conscious state of gratitude, calm and stillness, state of peacefulness.

Day in and day out we go about our lives, not even connected to others. We don’t say hello or even speak on an elevator. We don’t look up from our phones in the grocery line to acknowledge another. We judge one another. Our “getting to know someone” doesn’t even scratch the surface and seek to understand the core of their being… yet we long for connectedness, understanding, a sense of community. We can’t walk through life denying the existence of our brothers and sisters. We can’t connect with someone for the purpose of gaining something out of it.

We see life as this competition between one another… walking through life feeling like others are out to get us, thinking that our brothers and sisters have ill intentions or take everything so personally. We all do it… we are human… we were raised in a generation that seeks fulfillment, usually outside of ourselves.

That being said, I associate “humanity” as  being able to recognizing ourselves in the other. You recognize in others what you know to be true in yourself… insecurities, anger, hate, conceit, fear but also compassion, longing, determination, and commitment. What does that mean? It means that – subtract the flesh – we are all the same in spirit. We seek connection, love, beauty, to be recognized – professionally or romantically, to fit in – or to stand out, to find purpose, meaning, and joy.

I was at the gym this morning and while I was stretching, I looked around… There we all were, wearing our headphones, bouncing from machine to machine, with the primary mission of staying healthy and getting in shape. We all had that in common… there we were all connected, even with our headphones on. It made me smile… I felt connected to each one. We were a community.

I challenge you to see others as your brother or sister. Relate and come from a place of understanding – even to a total stranger. And if you find yourself judging someone, just be aware that you recognized something in the other that you, yourself, can identify with… and you can’t judge another until you’ve given yourself a good hard look in the mirror. We are all in this together.

#love